Solicited by Jennifer Klarmen, AFSC volunteer, for the November, 1997 "Envisioning A World Without Violence" conference.
Compiled and edited by Jane Spencer, AFSC volunteer
It is said that capital punishment is justice, and that the criminals will never again be able to commit a crime. Never hurt another soul.
How very wrong they are. I wish such people had been able to witness today the horrible pain I caused my family.
I had to explain to them the status of my appeals and break the news of the likelihood of my execution in a year. I wish those who are so sure that capital punishment stops pain had witnessed the struggle of my older sister trying very hard to be strong, because she must. She is the rock and she knows that everyone will lean on her for support.
But she has large, soulful brown eyes and I could see how she was hurting. Trying not to cry, urging me to know that she’ll be there for me. She will be the one to cry alone in private, being braver for everyone else.
Her husband said little but is obviously concerned. I do not know him well enough to know how he will deal with this. But it will never be easy.
My niece at age thirteen is probably too young to understand fully. With the resilience of a child she will bounce back from this faster than others.
My oldest brother whom I have not seen in fifteen years. He visits and I drop this bomb in his lap. He suffers so, and hides his pain behind a stoic expression. But the eyes. Oh those pale eyes reveal it all. His baby sister will have to die and he is helpless to stop it.
Recent visits with my two younger brothers and their families have been equally as difficult and painful. They are still largely unaccepting. Denial that such a terrible thing will happen.
Today my nephew cried. A Nineteen-year-old is "tough." Never show emotions. But he cried. He was very upset and I wanted so much to hold him and tell him that it’s all a mistake and I’m coming home. But I can’t tell him that.
Instead I have to help him deal with the fact that his aunt will be put in the electric chair and killed.
He is a very sensitive and loving soul. He will suffer terribly about this. I don’t know how to help him.
But he has faith. Not in the system but in God. When he hugged me before leaving I tried to comfort him. But he offered comfort to me. "You have been forgiven and God loves you. Just believe and you will be walking among the angels."
In a day of many tears I cried more at his words. I am very worried about him. But from the words he spoke it would seem that he will make it through better than the rest of us.
My children. I have not yet told my children.
Harm people?? No. An execution insures that a person will not murder again. But don’t try to tell me that no one else will be hurt. I’ve looked in the faces of my loved ones. I’ve seen their tears and devastation. I’ve watched their emotional struggle, anger, and helplessness. I’ve seen them crushed by the cruel reality of capital punishment. Don’t tell me no one else will be hurt.
|
Judity Ann Neelley
Alabama Death Row
|
The Pastor
Who preached the gospel to him
At the Sunday services at the prison
The men and women
Who studied the Word with him
At the weekly prison Bible study
The teens and children...
All gather together
At the great Super Bowl
Designed for stoning
They stand with the other
Members of the community
Rocks in hand...
All hurl their stones
All kill their brother in Christ
It was an act of love
It was their final act of love
Toward their brother.
|
Joseph Henry
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
If I was to die today or tomorrow I am at peace with Jehovah God...
I’m from Trinidad and just so happen to be 26 years old. I love children, and sharing my knowledge with them, and I’m an open-minded Christian with firm moral values.
I enjoy football, basketball, soccer and various other exercises because I believe in a sound mind as well as a sound body. I also enjoy reading a variety of books...
|
Sheldon Hannibal
Graterford, Pennsylvania
|
Who are you? A new guard asked today.
I am as different as night and day, tranquil at light, frantic in darkness. Death row has no compassion, love or friendship, I’s virtually impossible to find remnants of humanism buried deep within my soul.
...My heart feels like the hard cold cement I sleep upon, the whites of my eys have become red from searching each and everyday for enemies with vicious thoughts, tongues and weapons made from scraps of steel...
I am a human being with likes and dislikes, with love and anger, with memories and fears. No amount of time, not the threat of execution, not the ridicule of the world can change this fact...
Death is not my revenge...I am a child to be Loved!
|
Clifford Lacy
Florence, Arizona
|
I have a three-year-old son. I have been on death row for about eleven months and it’s only by the grace of God that I have obtained peace, joy, love, forgiveness, and the strength to go on in this dungeon, this hell...
About three months ago was the first time I have seen my son in eight months. I asked the young fellow who I was...but he didn’t know. My feelings were hurt and I cried on the inside. I can just imagine how God feels when he asks his children his name and they haven’t taken the time to know him personally...
|
Bobby O. Williams, Sr.
Menard, Illinois
|
Love is like water, it touches indiscriminately all that come within its path.
It is living, pulsating, bubbling forth like soothing springs, caressing space with its healing essence.
It quenches the fires of hostility and bitter wrath.
|
David J. Steffen
Mansfield, Ohio
|
I do not have a shocking story to tell that will convince everyone to oppose capitol punishment and speak forcefully against it...
I have experienced that a lot of people do not like to talk about God to me...People believe in things they see much more than things they con not see. But you can get people to believe in love, then already they are believing in God, because he is Love.
|
Leroy Whit
Atmore, Alabama
|
...the bottom line is that people in the system will end up with all the rights and the citizens with no rights if it keeps going the way it is.
|
Leonard Drake
Jackson, Georgia
|
I am imprisoned in the "belly of the beast." To be sentenced to die by your fellow man is a terrible thing. To be sentenced for a crime you did not commit is worse.
There are almost 200 of us on death row here in Pennsylvania. The "justice system" steadily reduces our chances of appeal, shortens deadlines, excludes new evidence, and provides only the most basic and inexperienced legal help.
|
Bro. Harold C. Wilson
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
bright orange fingers of the sun
caress the cold blue steel bars, and in its
crucible a warmth slowly reveals
the mystery of the creator
...on the swift wings of pleasant dreams
carried in the night--
and even in the kind and compassionate
words of the Christians who write
to me-a castaway, the wretched and condemned--
That's the way I see him
|
Reginald S. Lewis
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
...I was falsely accused of killing my girlfriend of 18 years...I am an innocent man..I haven't, can't , and never will take the life of a human being.
I'd like to praise and thank God for your concerns and friendship toward us all. Take care, stay strong and be blessed.
|
Freddie Lee Williams
Raiford, Florida
|
Hello, my name is Rage.
...My rage is not the rage of violence! Although sometimes I feel it might help to hit, kick, or even curse out!
It frightens me that I am this man of rage and violence...please help me soon.
|
Jermont Cox
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
...Vengeance, hatred and the destruction of human life are tragedies that can only be overcome through Divine forgiveness and acts of true love. Only then shall there be a world without violence.
|
Mark Edward Gardner
Tucker, Arkansas
executed: September 8, 1999
|
I preach love, I'm called erratic,
I preach Christ, I'm called a fanatic
I preach peace, I'm called a sinner
I belong to God, so I'm a winner
|
|
Martin Puccio
|
My story is probably not a lot different than those you have heard before...my life was going nowhere fast...I would lose large amounts of time in which I have not idea where I have been or what I have been or what I have done.
...I now look forward to any opportunity to share Christ with any one who will listen. All I know is with whatever time I have left, it will be spent in serving the Lord.
|
Alvin Crane
Huntsville, Texas
executed: October 12, 1999
|
A knock on the cell door...the chaplain awaits...a message of death...is all that it takes.
Nothing could prepare me, for the words that he said...your lil brother Jimmy...he is lying there dead!
I'll see you in heaven...one day too soon...there we will be reunited...and I'll lose all this gloom.
|
Glen Sweet
Mineral Point, Missouri
executed: April 22, 1998
|
My personal pain has been learning how much my kids suffer. Its hard for them to be impartial and to be thoughtful and fair concerning those doing their jobs. Of my nine-year-old wishing his mother had enough money to get me out. Of my 17-year-old daughter wanting to know what I remembered and like about her. My eleven-year-old son's courageous stance against the insults, fights and isolation due to his father's crime.
A great many of us are saturated with remorse and guilt. The system can be extremely frustrating to us, but self-hatred and the inability to deal with it carry a great force of destruction.
|
Nelson E. Mitchell
Jackson, Georgia
|
Kill me
Kill me
How can you kill the dead?...
One cannot easily understand how it is to be hundreds of miles away from safe haven, friendly faces. Years and years of not one affectionate, gentle touch, not a soft encouraging whisper from Mama, a lover or some other kin.
I cannot tell you that date that I died but I'm dead!
I'm dead without being six feet!
I'm dead with a heart beat!
I'm dead...but I shall rise.
|
Kevin D. Pelzer
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
We the people passively sit still in the darkness of ignorance and misinformation and let the inventors of the Penalty of Death wing the guilt of the hangmen's noose over our heads.
February will be my third year on Pennsylvania Death Row...I thank God that He came into my heart and blessed me. No matter what device we use in fight against the Death Penalty, none will be more effective than repentance and prayer. I thank you for this opportunity.
|
Leroy Fears
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
...We have to stand against this egotistical malicious and deceitful government without fear and return this system back to the people who built it...
|
Joseph A. Elliot Sr.
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
...moral support is good if it includes action! And only if it includes action-otherwise it is apathy...
|
Milo Rose
Raiford, Florida
|
Our government leaders cannot solve the problems of those who are seeking revenge, their problem is between them and God.
|
Bro. James Jones
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
|
...Next year will mark the 16th year I have been on the row. What I used to enjoy would be a waste of time and ribbon to talk about, what I enjoy now is all that counts, and that is reading, corresponding and daydreaming-and trying to stay alive and still live like a human being that is a full time job.
...While you are working to do away with the death sentence, you have men and women in prison on death rows that are dying on the inside because of the things that they have to do to be able to live like a human being...let us be honest, and good friends. For if given a chance, we can be both. Don't make us have to lie to get the little help that we need to live as human beings.
|
Bobby Glen Wilcher
Parchman, Mississippi
|
It seems to me, when one chooses to revert to the "life for life" ideology, they discount Christ's sacrifice and deny the sanctity of life.
I pray your conference is a success.
|
Johnny L. Robinson
Raiford, Florida
|
...I am one of the few people who have walked away from the confines of the States of Tennessee death row after 16 years...
...With all the joy I was feeling about leaving, a part of me was sad. I was leaving behind a bunch of people I had leaned on for many years. I had to look those men in their eyes, and say goodbye. I honestly felt like I was leaving a burning building with my family and friends trapped inside...
|
R. W. Farid Abd Al Fafi
Nashville, Tennessee
|
No stranger I to death.
He lives with me each day.
He temps me with my grave,
And hides the price I'll pay
|
John Brown
Pennsylvania Death Row
|
The following inmate responded with documents which he offers as a testimony against the death penalty because they prove his innocence:
|
Pedro Sosa
Huntsville, Texas
|
The following inmates responded with requests for help for a fair re-trial
|
Robert A. Shafer
Mineral Point, Missouri
|
Thomas Mason
Huntsville, Texas
executed: June 12, 2000
|
Harry Nicks
Atmore, Alabama
|
|
|
...I was asked to cry, plea, and lie on others. I refused. So I was handed the max. See it’s not that I am tough or heartless. But how far does one allow his should to be sold. I’m poor in man’s eyes but priceless in my standing and beliefs...
A wish changes nothing, a decision changes everything...I will go with my head held high and most of all I won’t go with hate or bitterness, as I know I am freer than most of the people who choose to kill me, as in the end God will judge our hearts and intents.
|
Greg Esparza
Mansfield, Ohio
|
...at this point because I want to be with Jesus I have dismissed all of my appeals and I now wait for the State to put me to death...I have made my peace with my God. I just don’t want to deal with being all alone...
|
Parnell Ford
Atmore, Alabama
executed: June 2, 2000
|
I have been on Alabama death row only five years...
I am a student learning to read God’s word. Please tell all the good and decent people there I love them, though they don’t know me. But the love I harbor for them is the love I share with Our Lord...
I draw , paint and write poetry
|
Charles Burton
Atmore, Alabama
|
...Murder is murder, ...be it in a lonely dark alley or in a sterilized room before solicited witnesses...
...So long as our society acknowledges an array of classifications for the act of murder...there will always be uncertainty and confusion as to the use of political murder as socially justifiable means of punishment.
...I die a thousand deaths, constantly reminded of what I’ve done and the things I no longer have.
...I lie there quietly practicing death.
...I see myself in the window’s reflection. The night--Tin Man in the shiny black glass stares back. Just a boy...but the face is colder, far colder...The trees I can see from my window are tall charcoal sticks smudging the sky. Every tree out there is alone sharing my isolation...
|
Tin Man
Tucker, Alabama
|
There is a place I’d like to share,
With anyone who truly cares,
A place that is hard, and unkind,
A place that loses track of time,
A place that turns your love to hate,
A place where death becomes your fate,
A place where death can show no gain,
A place that brings everyone pain...
|
Arthur Tyler
Mansfield, Ohio
|
...the system does everything within its power to prevent us from becoming active contributors to the fight against state-sanctioned murder!...
|
Joseph Nichols Bey
Huntsville, Texas
|
After 21 years on Death Row, I'm too damn tired to holler anymore, and don't write any more poetry now.
|
Butch Sireci
Raiford, Florida
|
I am a member of Project Hope to Abolish the Death Penalty. We are a group of men who have stuck together through the hard times of each execution... It's hard to believe but there is friendship here. I call it fellowship. We watch and wait those final hours of our brothers' execution...
...The education I have is Life. I know God is our creator and our Maker...
...I am a person who wants to live and am very much afraid of dying. Please come together and education yourselves...My prayers will be with each of you.
|
Mark Allen Jenkins
Atmore, Alabama
|
...and so the land of dust opened its gate.
Proving once more that this land never discriminates.
The gate swings silently on its hinges
Being careful not to drag the ground--
Because the noise may awaken those women and men.
And the survival of this land forbids that this conscience ever be found
...the land of dust lay quietly, its gate no longer surprised.
No longer feeling rewarded by the summon to open wide.
Instead it arrogantly anticipates the fertile remains of another man fallen by the wayside.
...the land of dust lay silent, knowing in them it has a friend
It knew people would die but it was pleasantly surprised to be told actually when.
Then it thought with contempt as it grins and grins, what wicked fools I have as friends.
|
Eric S. Branch
Raiford, Florida
|
I saw a man who was deep in sin, and in his voice I heard him lie.
He said God is dead, I looked away and hung my head.
Christ told me don't look away-I looked at the man's face and in his eyes I saw what he had to say...
I said to Christ, my life is in ruin, Is death to be my reward? Christ said don't look away.
|
Vernon Madison
Atmore, Alabama
|
We must analyze and re-examine a society which perpetrates violence as a commonplace pastime...the fellowship of humanity is a civilized brotherhood.
|
Leslie CX Beasley
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
|
Potassium Chloride:
Watching the PC come down the track,
Going down my vein, now there's no turning back.
Strapped to the crucifix, pacifists cringe...
|
Ralph Bolden
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
I asked Yahweh
I asked Yahweh for strength that I might achieve
I was made weak to humbly obey...
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life
I was given life that I might enjoy all things
I am among all men most richly blessed
|
James Walker
Raiford, Florida
|
As the petal dies, a rose wilts slowly away,
A tear runs down my cheek,
But the pain will go away,
If I could send you a rose, would you take it?
|
John Glenn Moody
Huntsville, Texas
executed: January 5, 1999
|
I have been on death row for twenty years, and I have written many letters about the death penalty. It seems to me that ministers are often against the death penalty but are not willing to talk to their congregations about it. Our families and friends are usually shunned in the churches; that should be a place where they can get love and understanding...
|
Brian Baldwin
Atmore, Alabama
executed: June 18, 1999
|
"Your life is very important. Now so much has been taken away from me. Don't do drugs! And by getting real help, you can stop the madness."
I am trying to help others understand the real truth about drugs.
|
Kenneth D. Bright
Jackson, Georgia
|
...If I could say a word at the Conference...it would be let's glorify God for what he's done and doing in the lives of those behind these walls. Don't look at us on how we used to be, look at us on how God has made us to be...
|
Demarrco McCullura
Huntsville, Texas
|
Not a day goes by that I don't think about my family members and what they have to deal with by my being on death row.
...I have good family who've stood behind me all these years. A lot of people never heard from their family again, and that has to be the hardest part of being here...
|
John Roe
Mansfield, Ohio
|
...What's very sad about it all is I've witnessed such men educate themselves and recycle their minds and become the most loving, generous, compassionate, gentle souls one can ever meet only to be executed and by those far more dangerous than they ever were or could be...
|
Paul Williams Scott
Raiford, Florida
|
Listen to the wind as it travels forever
voyaging through humanity
Each stop it makes dropping parables
for the inductional view
allows your crown to gather gratuity.
Colorful shades of shadow drift afar
hoping to retain
a flesh mate, willing to consider
the flow of peace.
Don't question the dark cloud
that cries upon your life.
Perceive what it pours forth.
And one must be foolish
to believe still water isn't moving.
|
Jake T. Wesley
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
...I am against the term "criminal rights". We should go back to the term "citizen's rights" so juries can have an identity with the accused...
|
Gregory Hunt
Atmore, Alabama
|
I have been on death row the last 16 years and have spent this time working diligently at my craft [song lyrics] to give competitive potential to all my creations.
The criminal justice of money
is justice of the peace
Absolute ruler-the real
True commander and the chief
The criminal justice of money
It's like cold, cold iron
Mighty still-hard as a diamond
Because money just don't feel
The different shades of justice
Are like the colors of man
The double standards of law
Green favor the rich man
|
Charles H. Rector
Huntsville, Texas
|
I urge you to remember these words, the last words of Barbara Graham, executed June 3, 1955. "Good people are always so sure they're right".
In being sure you are right, make sure you are listening, make sure you have the prisoner's interest and needs at heart, make sure you are not self-promoting at the prisoner's expense.
|
James R. Powell
Huntsville, Texas
|
...Believe it or not there was some good that came from being sentenced to death. I was going the wrong way, on a one-way street, and anything less severe would have not have ben enough to turn my life around...I know that the smallest details of life are what matters most...I made a tragic mistake that took someone's life, and the mistake can never be corrected...
The man who committed this crime has been sentenced to death, he has already died. I'm a new creature through the love and grace of God.
|
Jody Brown
Jackson, Florida
|
...I keep a daily journal for my young son because it's the least I can do for him to show I Love him...I am the one who led a life of making poor decisions...the way we make decisions is at the crux of why most inmates are here...
|
Troy M. Tenace
Mansfield, Ohio
|
The following inmates responded with materials which address the death row issue:
|
Ronald R. Post
Mansfield, Ohio
|
Clarence E. Hill
Raiford, Florida
|
The following inmates wanted to bring to the attention of the conference the unfair practices inside the prison:
|
Robert Teffetelles
Raiford, Florida
|
Thomas Gorby
Waynesburg, Pennsylvania
|
|
|
|
.gif){kind=small}
Back to Death Row Ministries